Merriam-Webster
defines a disorder as "an abnormal physical or mental condition." So,
by definition, if someone is experiencing a disorder, there's some pretty
weird stuff going on with that person's body and/or brain. For
example, paralysis is a disorder that involves muscles; dyslexia is a disorder
that involves how letters and words are perceived by the mind. And trolling the
internet is a disorder that makes a person incapable of feeling the real human
emotions necessary to interact socially in a non-dickish manner.
But
sometimes the weirdness of a disorder goes above and beyond what you'd normally
expect from something that is already defined as weird. We like to think of
these diseases as the "As Seen on TV" salespeople of the disorder
world. As Billy Mays (rest his soul) might have easily said, "But wait!
There's more! Not only does this disorder cause the regular symptoms, we'll throw
in these weird side effects. For free!" Because there's nothing that
Mother Nature likes more than piling misery on top of misery.
Anorexia
and Bulimia Cause You To Develop Lanugo
Although
the modeling industry would have you believe that it really is natural for some
people to subsist on nothing but lettuce leaves, sugar-free Tic Tacs and
cigarettes, in reality, eating disorders are truly ugly things.
Unfortunately,
it can be hard for people to self-recognize that they have an eating disorder,
because one of the effects of the disease is having an altered perception that
never lets you think that you're thin enough. However, at the point that you
start to develop lanugo (soft downy hair on the face, back and arms), you have
to know that something is wrong. The development of this weird hair is thought
to be a defense mechanism meant to keep a person warm during periods of
starvation, and also, apparently, to totally freak out new parents when it
happens to (completely healthy, by the way) newborn babies.
Narcolepsy
Makes You Cataplectic
Everyone
knows that narcolepsy is a disorder characterized by excessive sleepiness. And
perhaps best portrayed by Rowan Atkinson (best known for playing Mr. Bean) in
the movie Rat Race. The movie treats the disease lightly and plays it for
humor, showing Atkinson's character, for example, falling asleep in the middle
of a headlong sprint through a crowded hotel lobby. In reality, the disease can
be debilitating, sometimes making it difficult for sufferers to perform normal
tasks such as being chained to a desk all day as part of a boring office job.
A side
effect of narcolepsy that doesn't always get as much airtime as the sleepiness
is cataplexy, a.k.a. muscle weakness. Cataplexy can present in many muscles in
the body, for example causing slurring of speech by affecting muscles in the
mouth or tripping and falling if it occurs in the legs. It can also be used as
an excellent excuse to get out of doing household chores.
Conversion
Disorder Messes With Your Vision
Remember
the saying "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never
hurt me?" It's a classic phrase used to deflect grade school taunts, but
it's also a great example of distinguishing between things in the physical
world and things in the mental/emotional world. And it pretty much assumes that
ne'er the two worlds should meet. The truth is that there is actually a lot of
overlap between physical things and things that go on in the brain. The brain
is, after all, a physical organ, and everything from love to hatred to
wondering whether you remembered to close the garage door has a physical basis.
Scientists
have learned a lot in past years about the body-brain connection, especially
from studying stress. They've discovered that having too much stress can have a
host of "real-world" consequences, from heart disease to back pain to
physical paralysis. Turns out, it can even make you blind. Conversion disorder,
or the converting of emotional or psychological distress into physical
symptoms, can present in a variety of ways. But one of the most startling is
hysterical blindness. And no, people suffering from hysterical blindness aren't
just "faking it." The brain of a sufferer really has decided that
it's simply going to take a break when it comes to processing visual
information, and that it doesn't plan on returning from vacation anytime soon.
Piblokto
Causes Coprophagia
If
you've never studied culture-bound syndromes before, you should totally check
them out. There are tons of weird and interesting phenomena to witness, such as
men thinking their genitals are disappearing, or people experiencing symptoms
that literally make them think they're possessed by demons or ghosts.
Piblokto
is one such syndrome. It effects Inuit, and is thought to possibly be caused by
eating organ meats that have high levels of vitamin A. Symptoms include
insensitivity to cold, depression, and coprophagia. Which is the technical term
for "eating your own poo." We suppose there's a reason that nature
came up with such a device, something to do with nutrients perhaps, but we
think that it was a pretty shitty thing for evolution to do (excuse the pun).
Coincidentally (because we're sure that you're just dying to know), coprophagia
is also a symptom of other mental disorders, such as depression and
schizophrenia.
Hwabyeong
Gives You Weird Sensations
Another
culture-bound syndrome is Hwabyeong. It effects Korean women, and is considered
a stress-related disease. Which isn't surprising, because Korean women are put
under an enormous amount of stress to basically pack all of their emotions deep
down in the well of their souls and never admit to any weakness while
simultaneously taking care of pretty much everything.
With
this disorder, you get the usual stress-related symptoms such as depression and
sleeplessness. You also get sighing, which we never knew could be categorized
as a "symptom." And then there's the mother symptom of all weirdness:
perceived abdominal mass. Having never experienced thinking there's a mass in our
abdomens when there wasn't one, we can't exactly say what that's like. But the
fact that it has actually occurred to multiple people is nothing if not weird.
Paris
Syndrome Makes Your Hallucinate
You
wouldn't think that the Japanese were a type of people who could easily be
startled by strange cultural phenomena. After all, they're the ones who brought
us sausage-shaped rolls of egg, a game show about cats in bowls, and plenty of
other things too odd and disturbing to mention here.
But it
turns out there is one thing that they simply can't handle: a realization most
of us accepted long ago, that the city of Paris is, in reality, kind of dirty
and smelly and full of rude Parisians. It's called Paris Syndrome, and it
causes Japanese tourists, who apparently had some sort of romantic image of the
popular destination to have nervous breakdowns. So what's the weird side
effect? Hallucinations. Though we suppose that if you were Japanese and you had
to get the thought of a snooty French guy out of your head, hallucinating about
things like pumpkin-flavored Kit-Kat bites would probably do the trick.
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